power of words

my mom sent me this…it really made me think.  especially in light of everything going on right now.

Migwech Vi’s Island–Migwech

So I just recently returned from the bush, where a lot of learning, laughing and healing took place.  I thought instead of trying to recount through words for you what I learned and things that happened I would simply create a photo essay to try and express through picture all the great things that went on on Vi’s Island, on Lovesick Lake.  It was an experience I think I will hold very close to my heart for years to come…
(photo creds: Krystal)

Only Mrs. A to my Noah

Today was an interesting day.

I woke up and felt a little off…I read for a bit and sat admiring the beauty that had risen (SUN!) for awhile in deep thought.  About a lot of things, from life, to friends stretched out all the way to love…
Anyways, I continued feeling–hmmmmmmmm–I’m not entirely sure how to define it, sort of like a fish on land, a yellow smartie amongst a bowl full of red, a little bit of a misfit.
It’s actually funny because I was ALL ALONE…so it’s not certain people that make me feel this way, or a lack of people, or geographics, it’s purely my head and heart.
I began to pray and immediately thought that I hadn’t seen D-Rock or Morrie in such a long time.  So, I jumped in my car and drove down to see my non-blood/heart family.  It’s funny how important a dog can make you feel…Morrie always looks forward to seeing me and has this tiny YELP! which sorta sounds like a squeal…and is running in circles around me almost too excited to even let me touch him!
I sat with D-Rock in her garden and we caught up on life…she’s so wise.  Not that I didn’t know that before, but I was reminded again of the loveliness and the wisdom that she so lovingly imparts.
We discussed my tensions of being so unsure of my future path, we talked about if I should stay or go.  I said that I feel equally strong about both.  She said, “well you’re just not meant to know yet…it’ll come.” MANNNNNNNNNNN, smart woman eh?!
I’ve kept those words in me throughout the rest of my day.

Funnily enough, something else happened today that has now left me with a smile on my exhausted face.
I went to help my dad tile a bathroom for a family at his church.  Upon getting to the house there were three lovely kids, aging from SK/1- grade 4.  They had just got a hamster and boy were they excited.
I was in looking at the hamster and my dad came up and introduced me to them…he said, this is my daughter Amanda, you can call her Ms. Marlow though.
They gave me a blank stare and I quickly said, just call me Amanda…we are friends.

It reminded me of Room 5 with Mr. B.  There was a kid, one of my favs, Noah.  He was a kid who was a little rough around the edges, he really tested people before he trusted them, and he ALWAYS rebelled.  From day one Noah and I hit it off, I played some silly game with him at Camp Kawartha and I guess he thought that he’d let me in to his beautiful heart.  And I’m so thankful he did.
When we got back to the classroom, I was telling the class a story and it involved my grandpa.  I remember in the story having to say my first name.  Noah thought that was just great that he now knew my “real” name.  So, he started calling me Amanda.  (For those of you that know me, you probably know that I wouldn’t normally care and that in fact, I wish kids could call me by my first name).  We’ve been told in school that we have to go by Ms./Mrs./Mr.  It just is what it is.  So I kindly talked to Noah about calling Ms. Marlow.  He didn’t like that very much and asked, well can I call you Mrs. A?
So I said sure.
From that day, until my last day in the classroom with Noah…only on the days when he didn’t call me “Momma Mia” would he call Mrs. A.
I love that for so many reasons…but most of all, because it’s my name from Noah.
It’s funny how meaningful names can be…something I’ve always loved is nicknames.  I particularly love when it’s a special name…a name that no one else can call you except the person that created it.

On the ride home tonight, I recalled that story and smiled big because I had the honour of interacting with Noah.  In the big picture of life, I have no idea where I’m going to be, who I’m going to be, if I will be lucky enough to be with anyone…but I was reminded today that God is good. God knows…and he knows far more than I can or should.  God’s timing allowed me to in Noah’s life for 5 weeks…and more importantly, allowed Noah to be in my life and teach me for 5 weeks… He allowed me to Mrs. A…and that has and will forever change me.
So, as I put my head on my pillow tonight, I’m going to be reminded of moment-living, kingdom-embracing, and that timing is everything.

good

as scary as it is to be entering into this phase of life where I have NO IDEA what to do, where to go… I love being constantly reminded by those around me, by those closest to me and by the One that created me, that there is something…I need to wait for the something…but I’m confident that there is something…
I will dwell in the possibility

part of life

Theirs is the Kingdom– Robert Lupton

Last week, over coffee I had a fairly in depth conversation and we seemingly covered everything from Heaven/Hell to caring about the poor.
At the end of the conversation I was told that I HAD to read this book called Theirs is the Kingdom by Robert Lupton

I’m almost finished it…which says A LOT about it (it’s REALLY GOOD).
It’s a short book filled with stories about this man who feels convicted to live in a lower-income housing neighbourhood. What I’ve loved so far about the book is how REAL he is in his thoughts, he’s been so bold to say that sometimes he feels used or is consistently questioning people’s intentions when asking for money etc.  What I love even further, is he refuses to stay in these places of disconcerting judgements, he constantly looks to the person of Christ to direct him in what he should do.

So, because I have to give the book back when I’m finished…I have dog-eared (I know I know–a horrible habit) the pages with passages that have left me to really think about my life, my faith and the Christ that I love and know.

Here are a few so far:

” Yet I fear contagion.  I fear my life will get out of control and I will be overwhelmed by the urgent affairs of others.  I fear for my family.  I resist the Christ who beckons his followers to lay down their lives for each other.  His talk of a yoke, a cross, of bearing one another’s burdens and giving one’s self away is not attractive to me.  The implications of entering this world of suffering as a “Christ-one,” as yeast absorbed into the loaf of human need, are as terrifying as death itself.  Yet this is the only way to life.  The question is, will I choose life?”

” As I listened, I began to understand.  Most families in the city are poor.  They depend on government aid for survival.  Each of the various agencies to which they must go for assistance—food stamps, housing, welfare, health–has staff “counselors.”  For poor families, the counselor is one who interrogates, investigates, and degrades them.  Counseling is a necessary step to endure in the punitive process of obtaining aid. “They treat us like dirt” was the phrase I kept hearing. “What we really need is a friend who is willing to help us with some of our problems, ” I heard.  “Like unemployment, ’cause that’s what we mostly fight about.” A friend, a person willing to be involved.  Someone who cares more about them to than about a program.  That’s what they were asking for.  How sad that they should make a distinction between a counselor and a friend.”

” “Referral” is a game devised by people helpers to assist the needy in finding help somewhere else.  It appears kind and is laced with compassionate words.  It can be played by all kinds of churches and agencies.  The only requirement is the purchase of a social services directory and a volunteer to dispense appropriate information.
“Referral” is an attractive game for churches.  Christians can discharge their responsibility to the hungry, naked, and homeless with efficiency and cost effectiveness.  Referral requires little personal contact with the poor.  It can be done by phone.  Serious players, of course, schedule five to fifteen minute personal interviews, fill out data forms, and even make phone calls on behalf of the interviewee.  Some Referral fanatics have computerized the game, dramatically reducing processing time and adding to a cross-check dimension that keeps the poor playing by the rules.
Referral is serious, too, because it deludes the resourced people of God into believing they have fed, clothed and housed “the least of these.” In fact they have neither shared their bread, nor given their second coat, nor invited a stranger into their home.  Referral allows us to process poverty with rubber-gloved safety rather than enter the contaminating world of redemptive relationships.”

” The deepest poverty is to have nothing of value to offer.  Charity that fosters such poverty must be challenged.  We know that work produces dignity while welfare depletes self-esteem.  We know that reciprocity builds mutual respect while one-way giving brews contempt.  Yet we continue to run clothes closets and free food pantries and give-away benevolence funds, and we wonder why the joy is missing.  “Your work is your calling, ” declared the reformer, Martin Luther.  Does not the role of the church in our day include the enabling of the poor to find their calling?”

Room 5

My placement is finished…my last week of workshops/school is complete, I have officially moved all my stuff back to Hamilton…and in one week, I will embark upon my final task (camping!!) of my B.Ed year.
Life is crazy.
It flies by.

Because I haven’t had a computer, I’ve been really behind in my posts…but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been reflecting, thinking and reminding myself of things that matter and things that I post about.

My last day of placement with my wonderful grade 5/6 was one of the most emotional and formative days of my entire year…arguably of my life (and I realize that might sound dramatic–but trust me, it’s true).
As mentioned in previous blogs I had a special assignment by my man, Mr. B, I was make all my teaching come back to the idea of community.
More, the idea that each student place an integral role within the classroom community and can then stretch that understanding out to the real world.
I wanted these students to learn that there worth is invaluable and so precious to me, to Mr. B, to each other and to the world.

Something interesting happened from the VERY beginning of being in this classroom.  I became the student, I recognized that each day I would walk out of the classroom a little more versed on real, authentic community.
It truly was something to behold.

On my last day, I had made this big puzzle (in case I didn’t mention this before, these incredibly smart kids LOVED working on puzzles—1000 piecers!).  My puzzle that I had made was a little different.
It only held 22 pieces.
There are 21 students.

I gave them each a puzzle piece and on their puzzle piece was their name and something I had learned from them.
From Lily, I learned what joy looks like and saw that with ONE smile, a whole room could be lit up.
From Noah, I learned what courage and being brave look like in human form.
From Jasmine, I learned what caring about people–genuinely CARING–looks like.
And the list goes on and on.

I put each student on the “hot seat” and expressed what I had learned from each of them.  Well–I should say that I tried to express–for those of you that know me–you know that I get emotional.  I’ve reclaimed that so that I’m not ashamed of it–but on this day, it was almost hilarity as I wept through each of their puzzle pieces.
Piece 22?
I put on it what Room 5 had taught me as a collective community.
I put that I learned what REAL, HONEST, CARING, RESPECTFUL, AMAZING community looks like and is.
We did the puzzle together.  It was amazing to see each one of them work to fit their piece in…and it was even more amazing for them to acknowledge that they had a place, a belonging.
Were the all best friends? No.
Do they have to be? No.
Do they only stick to themselves? No.
Are they always inviting and loving and caring and honest and, and, and? YES.
Added to this, was the unbelievable vulnerability that teemed from each of these students.  More importantly, the respect demand that I, too, be vulnerable with my students.
I will never forget that beautiful community.  And more importantly, I wish that so many people could have the opportunity to witness it, to learn from each of those kids what working together, living together, facing each other, conflicts, inclusivity can look like.  THEY–the 10 and 11 year olds–THEY ARE THE MASTERS.

Soon after, in my last 25 minutes as Ms. Marlow to Room 5, Mr. B put ME on the hot seat.  I can’t tell you how humbling this experience was…but more, how changing it was.

I learned that Christ is IN me…because most of what the students and LEARNED from ME, little old ME, couldn’t have happened without something FAR greater and bigger than me, IN me.

Room 5 will always exist as a surreal, honest, and beautiful time for me.
It is a place of safety, a haven of care, respect and love.  It is a place where justice prevails and genuine humanity exists.
It is a place where Christ demonstrated himself to me through each of those children and Mr. B. 
It is a place where I learned that in absolute brokenness, beauty exists and is abounding.
I learned that in seemingly dark places, Christ’s love, justice and grace are shining that much more brightly.

I learned that I want to do this for the rest of my life…in whatever way, shape or form that looks like.

Thank you Room 5, for literally working in me from the inside-out.
I’m so sad to have had to say good-bye, but this experience, this 5 week long life lesson–will stay with me wherever I go and however long I live.

big brother

Blog…we meet again.  In my attempts to procrastinate, I got to thinking…
Today at church, one of my students walked in…It was a surprise to me because of all the students that could’ve walked through that door, he would’ve been the last on my list of suspects.
But there he was…and as surprised as I was to see him, I was really happy to see him.
Afterwards, I went over to him and excitedly greeted him…at first he looked at me funny…like he didn’t know who this person was, but then he realized and quickly started telling me about his weekend and how he spent time with others playing basketball, etc.
I asked him if he had come to church with anyone and he motioned to an older man, who I ignorantly thought would’ve been his grandpa, or a lot older uncle.  He proudly let me know that this man was his BIG BROTHER.  I went over and introduced myself to this student’s BIG BROTHER and was touched by the relationship they shared.  I asked the student how long he’d been with his big brother for and my student answered, 4 years…
Wow.
I was blown away.  This man had invested into this kid’s life for 4 years and was clearly making a difference.
Today, I saw the hands and feet of Christ and it was something to behold alright.
I was challenged today when I witnessed the beauty of relationship, of Christ personified, of love.

and now…back to politics…uggh.

the sun and the earth

love casts out fear