thankful: part V

This week, I was thankful for:

1. breath
2. waking up every morning.
3. one last week of part-time hours at work.
4. dinner with auntie boo, gar, and holls
5. funny times with aaron and friends at the afterparty.
6. spitch dip and hang time with rach
7. my parents.
8. dinner at josh’s
9. my small group
10. a wonderful and fun lunch out with my co-workers.
11. yoga (thanks Matt and Cait!—it’s one of the BEST presents ever)
12. diet pepsi’s, comfortable couches, best person—time with Cait.
13. D-Rock—her thoughtfulness; her love; her DELICIOUS meals.
14. Evan–I’ll miss that guy.
15. Morrie—best dog. e.v.e.r
16. the ability to move my arms.
17. the ability to think creatively
18. the coffee house.
19. Tali–beautiful voice, beautiful face, beautiful person.
20. Li–best sister. e.v.e.r—so thankful for her love and protection.
21. breakfast and wine making with dad.
22. dinner with Dorrett.
23. a night to relax at home.

a good sign

“We must get our hearts broken sometimes. This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something” –Elizabeth Gilbert

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything but my lists of thanks.  Unfortunately, this won’t be a long one…I just spent the day at a peace and tranquility spa.  Needless to say, I had a lot of thinking and praying coming fro my head.

I guess I love this quote…because as much as I recognize there is a lot of regret in my life…especially in terms of heart-break.  I also realize that at least I stuck myself out there enough to be rejected.  It hurts, yes…but that quote, and the reminder, makes this grief a little more bearable.

Grief you say? Shouldn’t I be over this?  One would think–I would think–but I’m not.  I also realized today–with the help of a good friend–that it is so important to grieve properly.  I need time, I need thought, prayer, love, peace…I know I’m going to be okay.  I know that I’m at least at the point of desiring to reach my hands up and grasp someone elses.  I’m at least at the point where I do see and know light exists.  At the very least, I can hope in that.

Here’s to broken hearts, honest prayers, great- and holy-escapes to Collingwood, and the hopeful beginning to a refreshing heart and week.

Happy Monday

Thankful: Part IV

This week I was thankful for:

1.)    Waking up each day.

2.)    For my arms and legs.

3.)    For eyes to see.

4.)    For Luke and Aaron who came to church with me because I get scared to go alone sometimes.

5.)    For the ability to take an afternoon nap.

6.)    For time with a great friend discussing life and making this world a little more bearable.

7.)    For a great co-worker and a great last night with our session 1 kids.

8.)    For good people who still exist in the world and don’t steal money when you leave a money bag full of hundreds in Starbucks for over an hour.

9.)    For a wonderful small group partner, who thinks and does the most marvelous things.

10.)  For a great small group night, of thinking, meditating, and loving.

11.)  For tea with Cait.

12.)  For my brother’s birth…and a great family dinner with good food, good friends and fun family.

13.)  For a warm bed.

14.)  For tea and drinking water when I was feeling sick.

15.)  For a great breakfast with Jake.  Learning a new skill at stuffed French toast.  Great view of Kensington over breakfast.  Great conversation.  As always.  Great friend.

16.)  For a wonderful hang out with Alisa.

17.)  For the birth of a great small group girl, Keels.  For our mutual love for Glee!

18.)  For a warm place to stay at Cas’ place.

19.)  For breakfast with Matt at Fran’s and a great catch up!

20.)  For great friends and adventures to a new city that I may one day call home.

21.)  For Cas’ warm and welcoming family.

22.) For wonderful wonderful friends and family who I missed this weekend.

23.)  That although there are feelings of lonliness and pain, there are constant reminders that I’m loved, more than okay, and NEVER alone.

An Honest Prayer

* O God, graciously comfort and tend all who are imprisoned, hungry, thirsty, naked and miserable; also all widows, orphans, sick and sorrowing.  In brief, give us our daily bread, so that Christ may abide in us and we in him forever.*

Martin Luther

Week 3: Thankful

This week I was thankful for:

1. waking up each day.
2. having a car to get around places.
3. the sensitive heart that God has given me.
4. the ability to feel
5. a warm bed.
6. clothing
7. arms and legs and a lot of other functioning body parts.
8. that my small group is not content with the way the world is operating–that they are questioning and challenging; that that is inspiring me.
9. for tea with new and old friends.
10. for Switchfoot with Liane, Maria and 3 of my girls.
11. that I met Jon and Tim Foreman…that they were so incredibly wonderful.
12. that their music and lifestyles really influence me and challenge me.
13. to watch some of my students write (and undoubtedly pass) their exams…tears actually welled in my eyes as I watched them…they seemed to have grown up.
14. to spend a glorious day with Maria.
15. to celebrate the birth of a wonderful friend
16. to see a fellow Ovary.
17. to celebrate the birth of another friend and great role model in my life.
18. to be able to write.
19. to be able to hurt.
20. to be able to hope.

This week has been interesting…full of ups and downs.  I guess it would’ve been too much to ask for a 3rd straight week of GREATNESS.  This week I just realized that it’s important to be thankful for the hard and hurting times too.

Seemingly Helpless…

Today, I did a lot of reading, a lot of thinking and a lot of talking about the catastrophe in Haiti.
Although, I know the media doesn’t play the greatest role in accurately portraying the reality…I can’t help but think about how crazy this situation is, for me, for Haiti and more than this, for the world.

The other night in small group, one of the members read an email from a good friend and member of our church who is in Haiti, has been for a couple years and is with her family.  She is a doctor and described what seemed like hell.
After my small group member read the email, we were speechless.  Yes, we hear the news, we see the images, but I wasn’t anticipating my reaction to that email.  I felt pain.  I felt injustice, I felt angry.

After talking today to a really important woman in my life, I expressed how horrible a feeling it is that the WORLD doesn’t know what to do.  I realized that I wasn’t only experiencing pain in my heart because of Haiti but because of the overwhelming mess of the world….E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y.
It’s a weighing thought…it makes me feel so small and so helpless.

When there is nothing left to do, I bow my head and do what might be the best thing for me to do in this situation:  pray.
I was telling my friend today on the phone, that I find myself at loss…a loss of words to pray, a loss of communication and thought around the whole issue.  As mentioned previously in my blogs, sometimes when there’s nothing to pray for, all I can say, is THANK YOU AND HELP ME…lately it’s been THANK YOU and HELP THEM.

Later I received an email and she had included a prayer which have become words in my mouth after a long silence.

God of mercy, we continue to lift up the people and country of Haiti. We ask that your presence would be with those who have lost loved ones and homes; we ask that your presence would be with those Haitians who are in other places around the world, uncertain of the fate of their families and friends; we ask that your presence would be with those who have gone to assist: doctors, nurses, rescue and aid agencies, and the military who are seeking to help keep the peace. Bring your rescue, Lord; bring it soon and bring it swiftly. Amen.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Aftershock…

Not being able to do everything is no excuse to not do anything…

I’m sure everyone knows and is well aware of the damaging and horrifying earthquake that hit Haiti this past week.
Yesterday in church, I was reminded how we need to be loving sacrificially…something I’ve been thinking about for awhile now.  For me, it is so easy to love my friends and people in my life.  But I recognize that a lot of that is just comfort.  We always use the idea of building community to be an excuse for exclusivity (at least I do!), I justify in my mind that I work for an organization that demands a lot of my mental and heart space (and I even sometimes believe that that is enough), I tell myself that I’m doing all I can…but really, when I get what I want, love who I choose, and besides emotional heart-ache and pain (not to invalidate that) I have faced very few hardships in my life…where does this leave me?!

In my small group on Tuesday night, I was reminded and pain-strikingly so, that we live in a messed up world.  And I’m constantly plagued with the hurt and dissatisfied heart about what I’m doing about it.  Sometimes it can seem so daunting, the mess of this world versus, ME…little old, ME.  What the discussions and experiences of this week have been for me though, is a constant reminder that my spirit moans with others…that I’m not alone in this pursuit of imagining a better world.

Like I said, yesterday in church, I was reminded that living out love REQUIRES sacrifice, requires danger, requires relinquishing our privilege and rights, giving up our comfort.  I realize this can look so different for so many people, but I think of the man who gives me the example of how I’m to live.  I think of what he said about giving drinks to the thirsty, clothing to the naked, food to the hungry…I think about when he says GIVE UP EVERYTHING and follow me.  Further, I think about the example he gives us to follow.  Reliance on his people, YES, but he rebelled against a lot of other cultural norms of the times.  What does that mean for my life?

I know that a lot of people argue that The Meeting House is this big, rich, mega church.  I know it’s not perfect.  But yesterday, as I sat in church, I listened and saw people that make up the church responding to need.  Bruxy reminded us, that YES, the earthquake in Haiti is horrifying…and that we NEED to be doing our part, giving up our comfort, giving up our resources to help people in the country survive.  BUT, how sad is it that it’s taken a natural disaster to get this world to respond?  How sad it is that it’s taken this natural disaster to wake up the eyes and hearts of North Americans and moved them into action?  He reminded us that everyday 6000 people die in South African countries from HIV/AIDS.  He mentioned that the math works out to over the course of 33 days, that totals the death toll of the Haiti earthquake.  The unbearably sad part about this though, HIV/AIDS doesn’t end after 33 days of 6000 people dying.  It then resets itself and begins again.

Yes, we need to be responding to Haiti, we NEED to not be blind with privilege but have eyes to see the pain.  But it is my prayer, that I am aware of this, day in and day out…that I don’t use the resources and things in my life in vain.

Soooo, why am I writing about this now?  Why here?
Well, as mentioned above, I know that a lot of people have beef with the mega church that is The Meeting House.  However, I sat humbled and awe-struck at my computer today when I read about how my community is responding to this crisis.  There are number of people who are going down to help provide relief to part of our family who are already there, but more than this, to assist AID workers in the clean up, the distribution of people, and medical needs.  There is also a team who has gone to provide people from the DR help to continue transporting goods and materials to Haiti.  There has also been a number of people who have donated.

Below are some links to reputable organizations to donate money to.  I know that it’s a common North American thing to write a cheque and forget about it…but it is my hope that that is not the case.  I hope that we can write and cheque as a way to show that we care yes, but also to serve as a constant reminder that we NEED to be sharing our resources, our money, and ultimately, our love.  I have also included a link where you can read about one of the teams that has gone down from TMH, this team is made up of 6 people, 3 of which are the husband and sons of a really important woman in my life.  I hope you will think of them and pray for them.

At the risk of ending this like every other commercial or advertisement urging people to give, I really hope you do.  I hope that you don’t just read this and close the window, I hope that you don’t just think about what a horrific event happened, but that you will want to do something, I hope this isn’t just something we talk about and shake our heads at how sad and unreal this is.
I hope that you, like me, want a different world.

Links:

Mennonite Central Committe:

http://mcc.org/

The Red Cross:

http://www.redcross.ca/article.asp?id=000005&tid=003

The Haiti Team from TMH:

http://haitireliefteam.blogspot.com/

Week 2: Thankful

This past week I was thankful for:

1. Having breath every time I woke up.
2. The ability to sing
3. tea and good conversation with a great friend.
4. the privilege of making food and sharing it with a friend over GREAT conversation.
5. DUTCH BLITZ!—with GREAT friends!
6. for my job—the kids, the co-workers, the joys and frustrations.
7. tea with Charity.
8. dinner with NJ
9. a great discussion in small group, with beautiful women.
10. a brief hang out with Steve
11. Glendale—the students, the amazing teacher I have as an example of the kind of teacher I hope to be someday!
12. my 2nd family’s Gramma who turned 79!—to be able to celebrate with her and sing with her.
13. 77 Stroud.
14. my new Switchfoot CD from a really great friend.
15. Ms. Morrison (I know I already was thankful for Glendale, but she has become like a sister to me…and I always appreciate our time together and the wisdom she so graciously imparts on me)
16. the heart-beat of unborn baby’s in the belly of a wonderful mother.
17. wonderful youth who I know and who organized an entire evening for Ecuador.
18. Jussie—who is a wonderful friend!
19. my car…to be able to go see people.
20. lunch and a beautiful walk in DT T.dot with Amy and Diddy
21. a nice homemade dinner by Aaron and a really fun road trip.
22. a lot of laughing, playing cards, and good friends in Kitchener.

I keep thinking of things to add.  This past week was a GREAT one.  Filled to the brim with people and experiences.  I would consistently find myself leaving people’s houses or places we had met with an unexplainable joy.

I’m thankful for that.

Week 1: Thankful

 

This week I was thankful:

1.  for a good reminder at church that we should not be looking to the world for validation…but from the one who created us.
2. for Benny’s breakfasts with amazing friends.
3. for wonderful, homemade christmas gifts (a CD–for when I’m feeling blue, ALTHOUGH, I always listen to it…it’s been playing no stop in my car since I received it!–that’s Rach!; and hand-knit fingerless mitts…what a labour of love and it meant a lot…I also have been wearing them every single day since I’ve received them–thanks Sim!)
4. that I woke up each day this week.
5. that I was able to move my body–that I have legs and arms–albeit, I hated being committed to working-out every day–but I did.  I’m thankful that I have the function of each of these limbs and body parts so that I am able to exercise freely.
6. that I had a job to go back to.
7. that I have really great co-workers who make me laugh and really enjoy what I do more.
8. that I have two loving parents who will sit and listen to my worries and fears about life; who hug me and pray for me and let me cry.
9. that I have a magic bullet to make smoothies in.
10. that I have an abundance of food in my fridge that can keep me functioning and healthy.
11. that I have good friends to share meals with; talk about life with; and be encouraged by.
12. that I’ve been part of the UG for 5 years and I still get chills when I think about how amazing so many of those youth are!
13. for lovely teas with Cait and Deb
14. for late night phone chats and encouragements from Jus–thank you thank you thank you!!!!
15. for learning yoga and feeling so relaxed!
16. for dutch blitz with great friends.
17. for people who I can just be me with, for people that KNOW me well, despite my attempts to be unpredictable, for people who I can laugh easily with and talk seriously with.
18. for Glendale–and all that it provides and encompasses–students, wonderful teachers (and inspirations), VPs, and Principals who genuinely care about the education and future of so many students.  For all the lessons I’ve been learning about teaching and about life.
19. For a wonderful friend named Kimkim, who is a wonderful host, fun to be around, inspiring to talk to, and full of love.
20. For my car to be able to get me from Hamilton to Barrie and back; to Burlington, Oakville and Toronto and back home.

I’m really beginning to recognize that being conscious of what you are thankful for, helps eliminate worry, fear and anxiety…
I’m really the luckiest most fortunate woman!

I’m thankful that 2010 is off to a GREAT start…if nothing else, this week has given me a positive example to always reflect on (if things happen to go a rye). 

Enjoy the weekend