Today was an interesting day.
I woke up and felt a little off…I read for a bit and sat admiring the beauty that had risen (SUN!) for awhile in deep thought. About a lot of things, from life, to friends stretched out all the way to love…
Anyways, I continued feeling–hmmmmmmmm–I’m not entirely sure how to define it, sort of like a fish on land, a yellow smartie amongst a bowl full of red, a little bit of a misfit.
It’s actually funny because I was ALL ALONE…so it’s not certain people that make me feel this way, or a lack of people, or geographics, it’s purely my head and heart.
I began to pray and immediately thought that I hadn’t seen D-Rock or Morrie in such a long time. So, I jumped in my car and drove down to see my non-blood/heart family. It’s funny how important a dog can make you feel…Morrie always looks forward to seeing me and has this tiny YELP! which sorta sounds like a squeal…and is running in circles around me almost too excited to even let me touch him!
I sat with D-Rock in her garden and we caught up on life…she’s so wise. Not that I didn’t know that before, but I was reminded again of the loveliness and the wisdom that she so lovingly imparts.
We discussed my tensions of being so unsure of my future path, we talked about if I should stay or go. I said that I feel equally strong about both. She said, “well you’re just not meant to know yet…it’ll come.” MANNNNNNNNNNN, smart woman eh?!
I’ve kept those words in me throughout the rest of my day.
Funnily enough, something else happened today that has now left me with a smile on my exhausted face.
I went to help my dad tile a bathroom for a family at his church. Upon getting to the house there were three lovely kids, aging from SK/1- grade 4. They had just got a hamster and boy were they excited.
I was in looking at the hamster and my dad came up and introduced me to them…he said, this is my daughter Amanda, you can call her Ms. Marlow though.
They gave me a blank stare and I quickly said, just call me Amanda…we are friends.
It reminded me of Room 5 with Mr. B. There was a kid, one of my favs, Noah. He was a kid who was a little rough around the edges, he really tested people before he trusted them, and he ALWAYS rebelled. From day one Noah and I hit it off, I played some silly game with him at Camp Kawartha and I guess he thought that he’d let me in to his beautiful heart. And I’m so thankful he did.
When we got back to the classroom, I was telling the class a story and it involved my grandpa. I remember in the story having to say my first name. Noah thought that was just great that he now knew my “real” name. So, he started calling me Amanda. (For those of you that know me, you probably know that I wouldn’t normally care and that in fact, I wish kids could call me by my first name). We’ve been told in school that we have to go by Ms./Mrs./Mr. It just is what it is. So I kindly talked to Noah about calling Ms. Marlow. He didn’t like that very much and asked, well can I call you Mrs. A?
So I said sure.
From that day, until my last day in the classroom with Noah…only on the days when he didn’t call me “Momma Mia” would he call Mrs. A.
I love that for so many reasons…but most of all, because it’s my name from Noah.
It’s funny how meaningful names can be…something I’ve always loved is nicknames. I particularly love when it’s a special name…a name that no one else can call you except the person that created it.
On the ride home tonight, I recalled that story and smiled big because I had the honour of interacting with Noah. In the big picture of life, I have no idea where I’m going to be, who I’m going to be, if I will be lucky enough to be with anyone…but I was reminded today that God is good. God knows…and he knows far more than I can or should. God’s timing allowed me to in Noah’s life for 5 weeks…and more importantly, allowed Noah to be in my life and teach me for 5 weeks… He allowed me to Mrs. A…and that has and will forever change me.
So, as I put my head on my pillow tonight, I’m going to be reminded of moment-living, kingdom-embracing, and that timing is everything.